It’s time for another Ask Me Anything question! I wanted to publish one of these weekly, on Mondays, and I was shit at keeping up with it. So here we go, back giving it another shot and hopefully, I can stay on top of these.
Moving Forward After Failure
“How were you able to go forward with another cycle after your first failed? I feel like it is consuming my life… I feel angry and sad all the time that my first cycle failed and about my infertility in general. I’m about to start at a second clinic after my first cycle ended in a chemical miscarriage and I feel totally hopeless.”
Well, my friend. Let’s discuss.
Has infertility consumed my life? Yes. A thousand times yes. Was I sad and angry during those years of failed cycles? Yes. This woman and I are similar in that my own first IVF cycle ended in a chemical pregnancy and I needed to face doing it all over again from scratch.
I’ve gotten asked this pretty frequently in emails about how I picked myself up after those failed IVFs. I always tend to tell them the same thing: I was persistent as fuck. Failure is not an option. Wasn’t that an Apollo 13 quote?
When I lost Adam, my world fell out from under me. He was my first pregnancy, and when I think about him, when I think about the baby he would have become, I want him back with a fierceness that scares me. To say the entire thing was unfair is an understatement. It sucked. It was one of the worst things I ever had to go through.
But it just fueled my desire to hold a baby in my arms. A sibling for Adam. I think since I couldn’t fathom life without a child, then it wouldn’t have occurred to me to NOT do another cycle. You know what I mean?
So I get that helpless/hopeless/awful feeling of going through this failed cycle, especially one where you lose a baby. I think that little break I would take between the two was enough for me to collect myself, sort of dust myself off before diving in again. And sometimes I think I’m in the minority when it comes to this because the first thing I wanted to do after a failed cycle was get right on to the next one. So many I’ve talked to needed some time to heal. And there is no right way to do it.
For those of you who have also been in this situation, what was your experience like?
How did you move forward after failure?