I guess we’ll never find out. Because of course that was the whole reason for starting this blog. A quest in who was the jerk that came up to me, shook their finger in my face and scolded, “No stork for you!”
Well I have something I’d like to say to that person.
“Who’s laughing now, jerk-face???? I haz a baby!”
I do have a baby.
And scars on my stomach from shots.
And old sharps containers of needles.
And no money.
Because I have a killer IVF loan.
And probably some equally killer infertility PTSD.
And a snarky attitude towards people who get pregnant without trying.
But I have a baby.
I’m still infertile, though.
And I’m freaking out worrying about how we will finance a trip back to Texas for an FET in 2018.
And I’m freaking out none of my three embryos will survive.
And that Olivia won’t have a sibling.
These are the things that keep me up at night, people.
Before I had hundreds reading me everyday, I had no one except my mom and the occasional pervert searching, “vagina punch.” I still wrote quite a bit though.
As 2016 comes to a close, as well as this space, I realized I’ve written 310 posts. Which over the course of three years, I admit, is less than I would have wanted. That averages out to be about 77 posts a year, which is about 6 posts a month. Granted, That’s about what I’m averaging now lately.
I’ve written posts that have made me cry as I’m typing. And sometimes I would crack myself up at what I came up with. I’ve written posts that I worried were too personal, too “out there,” posts that would offend someone. I’ve written posts that my mom would have been embarrassed at. I’ve written posts where I’ve wondered what Future Olivia would think. And maybe I’m too honest sometimes and it’s going to come back and bite me. For the record, though, if didn’t overshare and delve in deep and tell secrets to the Interwebs, my posts would have basically consisted of this:
May 26, 2013: IVF is hard. Too many shots.
October 10, 2014: IVF isn’t working. Fuck everything.
April 2, 2015: Pregnancy is pretty cool, minus the barfing.
February 7, 2016: Olivia screamed for 45 minutes and couldn’t be consoled. Why does she do this? Must Google it.
I wished I would have blogged more, especially going through the donor egg cycles, but I started writing for mom.me and was working 40+ hours a week and didn’t have a clue how to get my life back under control. I wish I could have summoned the energy to blog more that first month of Olivia’s life. But still, 310 posts isn’t bad. And 2017 is a new year.
On January 1st, I will leave the link for my new site here. January 1st was the launch date because I’m OCD, there is really no other significance to it. And this site will remain up for a bit longer before I put it into private mode. I hope you join me over there. Many of you I have known for years, so I hope we can continue that friendship.
I just want to remind you all again, this blog itself may be going away, but the content will all move over. All my posts will still be there. My Facebook page will also change its title, to being my own name. You don’t need to search for a new page. (Though this link won’t work anymore after I change the name.)
Thanks for caring, for commenting, for sharing your own stories, for encouraging, for challenging me, and for making me feel like my stories here- all three hundred and ten of them- matter.
I hope you all have a wonderful New Year and I’ll see you on the other side.