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4:00 a.m.

Let me preface this by saying I don’t do politics. I don’t talk about them with other people (except with Chris) and ever since I got myself into debates over the 2012 Same-Sex Marriage Amendment, I have tried to stay out of the Facebook politics as well. And really, I think I did a good job. But it’s the day after the election and I have looming due dates on articles I need to write for actual pay and here I am, writing about the election. 

Prior to last night, my views on Trump were always snickering at the stupid things he said. “He’s not really going to be president,” I’d tell Chris after watching some news piece on the latest dumb thing Trump said. “There is no way a man like that will be the president.” I blew it off.

It wasn’t until the pussy-grabbing started that I really felt myself getting worried. I mean, like I said, I don’t do politics.

On one hand, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to articulate my thoughts. On the other, there is too much going on inside my head.

Friends, this is so far beyond politics now. And I get it. I get it that my Republican friends supported him because they wanted to break the establishment. I get that. If you are a middle-to-upper class white man who stands in support of Trump, hey, I get it. What I can’t seem to fathom is why a woman, why a mother, would ever support him. I look at my daughter and I can’t seem to understand how a woman and mother can listen to this sexist talk, from a man who so clearly has no respect for women, who has admitted to sexually assaulting women, and vote for him. Support him. Stand behind him proudly. If this was any other government official, he would be kicked out of office. But so many let him off. Defend him. “Well EMAILS!” they scream. I don’t get it. I just don’t.

I’m worried for Olivia. I’m worried for my LBGT friends. I’m worried for my friends of color. For my friends with disabilities. I’m worried what this means for the reproductive rights of women. I’m just so worried, you guys.

I stayed up until 10:30 last night, switching back and forth between the election coverage and Netflix. When I saw Hillary’s 209 and Trump’s 244, I walked downstairs to Chris.

“He’s going to win. He’s actually going to be president,” I said to Chris.

Olivia woke us at 4:00 a.m. to nurse. After she was back in bed, I checked my phone. And my heart sunk. I had trouble sleeping after that.

You guys, I was actually sick to my stomach about politics. I’ve never lost sleep over politics. I’ve never woken up to check my phone because of politics

And honestly, I thought it was just me. I thought I was just being dramatic by feeling terrified of this guy running the country. I thought I was just emotional, as I saw someone put it today on Facebook.

But this isn’t us feeling emotional, is it? This is genuine concern over a man who has boasted about his violence against women, who ran a campaign on hated, racism, sexism and fear mongering. He effectively brought out the worst qualities in Americans. Do I honestly think he is going to make good on his lavish promises? I hope not. I know he blurts out a lot of things like closing our borders to Muslims, building a wall along the Mexican border (though correct me if I’m wrong, but immigrants work way harder than most Americans on welfare and take the jobs *we* don’t want to do) and defunding Planned Parenthood, without having a solid plan in place to do so. Is it just talk? Who knows?

One thing I’m thankful for, is a husband who shares my beliefs. Who also wants better for our daughter. So today I grieve. I let the anger come. But I know I need to be better. I, not society, need to set the example for my daughter of what is love and acceptance. Olivia’s daddy needs to show her who real men are, ones who are respectful to women, who know how to treat them. And I’m grateful she’s too young to remember this. But it’s the ramifications of these next four years that make me wonder how she will be affected.

Though she’s a tad too young to remember, Olivia’s first president was black. I was so hoping her second would be a woman. But I have hope that this country will be ok. Maybe Trump will surprise us? And then maybe next time we will have our first woman.

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A Few Good Eggs
Guest

Couldn't agree more. As a woman and/or a mother, how could you? So so disappointing. Side note, Olivia looks super cute 🙂

rapunzel.emma
Guest

I know. Its just so damn depressing. Im australian, and even i couldnt sleep.

Kami @Faithfullymeblog
Guest

I'm still in shock and disbelief that a man can get the most important job in the world with no military, political experience. Don't get me started on his personality. Could Americans be this biased? God be with us all.

Your little Olivia is a cutie!

Hawi B
Guest

It was definitely an emotional roller coaster for Everyone watching. In hindsight, watching all those Clinton supporters overcome by emotion after she lost, makes me hopeful that not everyone is the same and there are still good people out there. Just like you said I hope he will surprise us somehow

inconceivable12
Guest

Like you, I don't do politics on FB typically and generally restrict myself to discussion with only a few close people (mainly my husband). But this is just…unbelievable. And scary.

LydiaofCO
Guest

While Trump was an ass, Hillary was far worse. She illegally deleted thousands of emails, obviously hiding something. She ignored cries for help from those in Benghazi and allowed them to die. Worst of all, she set up a "foundation" and took in millions from those paying her off – Islamics, terrorists, those who caused 911 to happen. She is pure evil, with a single minded agenda to empower herself. Those who worked with her reported how she is plain nasty and degrading she is. I will take Trump any day over her and so glad she lost.

NeverWithHer
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NeverWithHer

I completely agree. While I would love to see a woman president, not THAT woman! Shame on the democrats for presenting such a crap candidate and leaving us with no other viable choice than Trump. It could have been so different. I hope those Clintons just go away now. Enough!

Cristy
Guest

Honestly I don't know. Though I'm. It a Hillary fan, all that Trump stands for makes me physically ill. And I worry that now we will be facing waves of bullying and violence to anyone who openly objects to any of those values. The thing I hope for is a unitfication against this. A revelation that Trump isn't able to deliver and, hence, a push back to drive the change thatbis very much needed. And so I will stand with those I believe in to build a community, opening lines of communication for both sides so that we can not… Read more »

Cristy
Guest

I've been seeing a lot of comments like this. The right is split about their feelings for Trump. Just as the left is with feelings towards Hillary. But the message is uniform: the system is broken. So instead of voicing my viewpoint, I want to hear from women like Lydia: how do we fix this? Seriously, let's open the lines of communication becaue all the fighting hasn't changed anything. I for one am listening. What do you see as the path forward because you now have that responsibility

Anonymous
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Anonymous

I totally agree. Not to mention, when Kathy Shelton was raped at 12 years old, Hillary Clinton defended her rapist and got him cleared of all charges then laughed about it. She accused Kathy of "luring older men" and blamed her for the rape.

There are many, many strong successful women you can teach your daughters to look up to but, IMO, Hillary is NOT one of them. Riding your husbands coattails while taking billions of dollars under the guise of a charity…I am very relieved she's not our president.

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

Some good news is that no one can defund Planned Parenthood anymore, thanks to a genius move by Obama. http://www.politicususa.com/2016/09/13/stroke-pen-president-obama-permanently-protects-planned-parenthood.html

Christine
Guest

The information about Kathy Shelton is available (as in, the actual court records). I guess this irrelevant now, but misinformation annoys me. Clinton was assigned to defend him as a public defender.She did not want to and asked to be removed. He didn't get off; they agreed on a plea bargain. That's not unusual (and…do I need to point this out?…kept Kathy from having to testify with the guy in the same room). She did not laugh about getting him off. What she said, years later, was that this case made her realize that polygraphs were unreliable, because the guy… Read more »

dublinerinDeutschland
Guest

Everyone I've spoken to hear in Germany was also in shock that someone like Trump with his bigoted, racist and sexist views could gain so much support! I feel sad that Hillary got the popular vote but still lost. Let's hope and pray that Trump won't do anything too bad the next four years.