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#Microblog Mondays: Back where it started

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

My sister had her baby this weekend. Chris, Olivia and I went to go visit and meet my nephew, Olivia’s first cousin on my side. 



I hadn’t stepped foot inside the Mother Baby Center in 11 months, when we took Olivia home from there last November. 



It’s funny how a place can bring back good and bad memories simultaneously. I’m still working through my emotions on that hospital stay, because there were events that bring tears to my eyes out of sheer happiness and there are traumatic things that happened that I wish I could forget. 



Holding my tiny nephew against my chest in that familiar room brought a rush of of nostalgia from those early days almost a year ago, holding Olivia skin to skin against me for hours under her blanket, smelling her, kissing her head, nursing her. It was the place I met my daughter. And now she’s almost one and I’m planning her birthday and I can still remember how it felt last November. Exhausted. Exhilarating. That primal instinct to protect my baby, hold her, keep her close. Those feelings of love so powerful, it was frightening at times. 

I didn’t get the birth story I wanted. Like trying to get pregnant and stay pregnant, my body failed me during her delivery. But then again, it’s still my story. Her birth is as much as part of me as all the fertility treatments were. I think those events drove me closer to her. It strengthened my bond with her because she was the tether holding me together through those six days. She was the one that kept me from completely losing it. She’s the reason I can walk back on the floor and smile instead of frown. She kind of has a way of doing that. 

You can find more of this week’s #MicroblogMondays posts by clicking here.

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Amie
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I just read your post about your first ultrasound (although a crappy experience because of the rude tech) it's so funny reading now how you guessed it was a girl that early! haha Just think if it did end up being twins!! Believe me I think of this often since mine started out that way…I have no idea how I would have handled 2 Bowen's!! haha

Cristy
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Like you, birthing the Beats didn't go as planned (though I honestly didn't really have one). They came far earlier than expected, we were separated immediately so they could go to NICU and then there was the physical pain combined with guilt that everything went so wrong and I couldn't control it. But there were also the sweet moments too. Like see that first image of Grey holding She-Beat. That first round of Kangaroo Care. The nurses (I seriously miss them). And even learning how to walk again (I haven't forgot the gift of being able to walk). There's also… Read more »

Risa
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I know, crazy, right? It's weird how strong those feelings were. And I know. Two babies… whew. 🙂

Risa
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Nurses are the best. I miss our nurses too. They definitely made the stay better. And yes. Our family story… that's it.

dublinerinDeutschland
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I can imagine it must have brought back a lot of mixed memories… Sorry you didn't have the birth story you would have liked. So sweet that Olivia brings you so much happiness 🙂

JoJo
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I actually didn't realize how traumatized I was from my delivery until I got pregnant again. Like you he was the only thing holding me together and I didn't even know it.

Risa
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Yes. And I hear you. I worry about getting pregnant again (not that it makes me not want to) because of the pre-eclampsia coming back. And the subsequent hospital stay… with a toddler already.

Risa
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Thanks, love!

Jess
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Oh, this is beautiful. Or at least a beautiful way to share an experience that didn't go as planned in any way, brought to the forefront by another baby's entry into the world. I bet that was bittersweet. How wonderful to have that healing in Olivia!