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I used to be kind of sort of judgemental of the moms of screaming babies. Especially in restaurants and grocery stores. It’s not like I’d be thinking Geez, aren’t you capable of shutting that kid up? but rather, Omg seriously. That’s so annoying.
I swore to myself I was not going to raise an asshole baby who did high-pitched screams in the middle of the store and gave everyone whiplash from turning to see who the mother of The Baby That Screamed was.
Until I became that mother. And it was my asshole baby that does the high-pitched screams in the middle of the store.
Cue MORTIFICATION. And Karma.
Our grocery store has a mini apple stand by the fruit section with cheerful signage to have your kids try a free apple while in the store.
We were shopping one afternoon and were perusing the produce section grabbing all sorts of healthy things like kale and carrots when suddenly, out of nowhere (ok, maybe I forgot to bring her toy in with us) Olivia opens her mouth wide, takes an audible deep breath
The 20-something girl with the messy bun turns around with her shopping basket like she has never heard a baby scream and is wondering why the hell that mom can’t shut that kid up.
And I think, sonofabitch. I have a Screamer. I am That Mom with a Screamer and I kind of hate myself right then and realize that girl is me, ten years ago.
So I grabbed one of those free apples from the little stand, take two giant bites out of it and thrust it at my daughter who’s eyes light up and she takes it like it’s the greatest thing she’s ever seen.
Now we’ve done this once before a few weeks back but after the fourth time of flinging the apple on the floor while I scrambled to finish the shopping, and the screaming tantrum that ensued, I had to give it up.
This time, she held it. The entire time.
I must have passed three sets of grandparents who cooed over her and two women who said she was the most well-behaved baby they’ve seen. And through it all, she held her little apple with two hands and munched and sucked until we paid and I started bagging.
It. Was. Glorious.
You can find more of this week’s #MicroblogMondays posts by clicking here.