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#Microblog Mondays: I will be good for an apple

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

I used to be kind of sort of judgemental of the moms of screaming babies. Especially in restaurants and grocery stores. It’s not like I’d be thinking Geez, aren’t you capable of shutting that kid up? but rather, Omg seriously. That’s so annoying.

I swore to myself I was not going to raise an asshole baby who did high-pitched screams in the middle of the store and gave everyone whiplash from turning to see who the mother of The Baby That Screamed was.

Until I became that mother. And it was my asshole baby that does the high-pitched screams in the middle of the store. 

Cue MORTIFICATION. And Karma. 

Our grocery store has a mini apple stand by the fruit section with cheerful signage to have your kids try a free apple while in the store. 

We were shopping one afternoon and were perusing the produce section grabbing all sorts of healthy things like kale and carrots when suddenly, out of nowhere (ok, maybe I forgot to bring her toy in with us) Olivia opens her mouth wide, takes an audible deep breath

and screams.

The 20-something girl with the messy bun turns around with her shopping basket like she has never heard a baby scream and is wondering why the hell that mom can’t shut that kid up. 

And I think, sonofabitch. I have a Screamer. I am That Mom with a Screamer and I kind of hate myself right then and realize that girl is me, ten years ago. 

So I grabbed one of those free apples from the little stand, take two giant bites out of it and thrust it at my daughter who’s eyes light up and she takes it like it’s the greatest thing she’s ever seen. 

Now we’ve done this once before a few weeks back but after the fourth time of flinging the apple on the floor while I scrambled to finish the shopping, and the screaming tantrum that ensued, I had to give it up. 

This time, she held it. The entire time. 

I must have passed three sets of grandparents who cooed over her and two women who said she was the most well-behaved baby they’ve seen. And through it all, she held her little apple with two hands and munched and sucked until we paid and I started bagging. 

It. Was. Glorious.

 You can find more of this week’s #MicroblogMondays posts by clicking here.

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Lori Shandle-FoxAprilKateAnonymousEmpty Arms, Broken Heart Recent comment authors
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Amie
Guest

Oh now this is just the cutest thing over!! Her sweet little hands holding that big apple…love it!!! Cute little non screaming hands..haha I haven't had a screaming incident yet just a baby who wants to slither out of every thing I sit him in, he is an escape artist!

Amie
Guest

ever not over! ugh

Risa
Guest

Ha ha! I know. It's comically large for her hands! And you're lucky. That screaming is no joke. Olivia is a slitherer too. Or rather, a baby who twists around in the cart and tries to stand up. Oy. They keep us on our toes.

Shail Mohan
Guest

This is really cute. You have turned your experience into a hilarious post. 🙂

Risa
Guest

Thank you! Lol hilarity often ensues when you're a parent who has no clue what they're doing. 🙂

Jess
Guest

I'm so glad the apple worked! My best friend's daughter went through what we called her Velociraptor Phase…she shrieked neverendingly like an angry prehistoric thing. It was crazy. I feel like screaming babies don't make me irritated, they make me sad because even in that crazy moment I wish that was my life, but I can imagine how amazingly awful it must be to be in the middle of everything and have your baby screaming her head off. The picture of that bunned young lady made me laugh. I'm so glad the apple was the stopper for the screaming! Awesome… Read more »

Risa
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This comment has been removed by the author.

Cristy
Guest

And now I can't wait for the post about Olivia going apple picking.

I use to feel the same way about screaming children. Usually hating the parents. So I cringe now too.

JustHeather
Guest

Hah! This is great! Everything about it, but especially the sweet pictures. I have taken to making sure I have snacks (raisins, fish crackers, something small that can be given one or few at a time.) And little toys, that my kids only see when we are out and about. Even a painted rock works well. LOL It's something to break their attention and keep them entertained. And if it gets lost, no worries!

Risa
Guest

Yes. I was on my last leg and last shred of sanity before our second donor cycle worked. So yes, amazingly awful is exactly how I would describe it. Like, oh my sweet little miracle is screaming at the top of her lungs in public. Awesome. But gah. She's still a miracle. 🙂

Risa
Guest

Ha ha! I'm glad I'm not the only one. 🙂

Lollipop Goldstein
Guest

Cutest face ever.

I am never annoyed by baby screams because babies are not aware of how they are affecting the people around them. Now asshole adults on the other hand…

Empty Arms, Broken Heart
Guest

Yup, that was me – Why can't you keep your kid from screaming? As a foster parent, caring for various different children, I have come a long way and now it takes a full on tantrum to get me riled. Grapes usually help my little guy and I just tell the cashier to add a few extra cents to equate the amount he ate while we shopped. I'm also blessed to have a teenage son who can take the screaming child out of the premises until I finish my business. Glad the apple worked for your little one.

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

That reminds me of ME, yesterday… though not in a grocery store, but positively ravenous on the commute home from work. Fertility docs have me on birth control to, you know, regulate my lady bits – sending me into my first period in YEARS (long story) and my first time also PMSing in years. I am cranky, and I am always cranky when hungry, so I was not at my best yesterday… until I remembered that trusty apple in my lunch bag. CUE ANGELS SINGING!

-Sabrina

Kate
Guest

My husband and I want to start a family soon and I admit, shopping with a baby seems like it will be a challenge! Great idea with the apple. It's so awesome that some grocery stores have free fruits for kids!

April
Guest

HILARIOUS!! This post describes me perfectly 🙂

Lori Shandle-Fox
Guest

What a cutie pie!! And yeah for shoving an apple in her face instead of a lolly pop! Well done! I was the same way with those child leashes. I was appalled until I had triplets.

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

This is so funny and totally me right now! I use to be that girl that gave the evil eye to screaming kids probably up until the time I gave birth. Haha. Well now I am the mother of the child that decides to "talk" as I like to call it, because now it's cute of course, at restaurants! I'm beginning to think our dinner dates are going to come to an end soon either that or we need to start going to loud restaurants . Haha I love your posts and your baby is such a doll! She is… Read more »

Risa
Guest

You know, you would think that I would come prepared with snacks. I need to do that. I'm sure that will help. And I like the fact that you use little toys as well. Even the little rock! She would love something like that.

Risa
Guest

Ha ha! Good point. You are who I want near me when she hollers in the store, then. 🙂

Risa
Guest

Food always seems to be a good idea. 🙂 And yes, someone else there is always a huge help. It is so much easier going by myself or with my husband on the weekends but if I truck through it during the week, that gives us more time for fun on the weekend.

Risa
Guest

I'm seriously cracking up at this. Me, daily during fertility treatments. 🙂

Risa
Guest

It's definitely a challenge. I mean, she has her moments and not every time out is stressful. I think it depends on her mood. The free apples are a Godsend!

Risa
Guest

Ha ha! Glad I'm not the only one!

Risa
Guest

Ironically, I just bought her one of those backpack leash things as a Christmas present. I. Will. Have. No. Shame.

Risa
Guest

Ha ha! Awww! Well, talking is much better than ear piercing shrieks. I find the more Olivia talks, the more "Awww! She's so cute!" attention she gets.

Thanks for the comment!