My best friend celebrated her first Mother’s Day last May after years of infertility and multiple miscarriages. I remember texting her that day asking if she was having a good Mother’s Day. She texted back, “I can’t stop crying.”
But it wasn’t joyful tears. Having finally given birth to her son the year before, my friend was caught between the joy and heartbreak of finally having her dreams come true.
And I get it now.
This is my first Mother’s Day. Well, the one where Olivia is in my arms. And I haven’t quite worked through my feelings on this. In some ways, I want it all to be over. It’s too much. And then in others I am so happy because I fought so hard to get her here and I should be rejoicing in this day.
I’m walking two lines. I have one foot in infertility and one in motherhood. This day just reminds me of all the past Mother’s Days, how much I dreaded them, how much I wanted to run away from social media, from my friends and family. Actually, Chris and I were vacationing in Chicago several years ago over Mother’s Day weekend and it was the best decision we could have made, to get away from it all. But then of course, I think of my own mom and feel guilty for hating this holiday because it is also a day to celebrate her and everything she’s overcome.
Chris and Olivia both gave me cards that morning. He got me another necklace. Last Mother’s Day he got me this one and so when I opened the box and saw this necklace, it about did me in.
It has both my babies. Adam has the blue March birthstone and Olivia’s November topaz is wrapped in a beautiful leaf setting. It’s perfect. It’s absolutely perfect.
So here is my first Mother’s Day card from my child. Wow, you guys. How did I get to this point, where my baby gave me a card? To be fair, Chris picked it out and she probably put her stamp of approval on it by chewing on it or maybe spitting up on it or something.
Her gift to me is a finger-painting session with Daddy where I get to watch her and Daddy cleans her up after.
“I was going to finger-paint with her and give you your first artwork from her, but I know you would probably want to be there for the first time she paints,” Chris explained.
Ah, this man knows me so well.
So soon we will buy either some canvas or 8×10 paper to frame and… I will have my first art work.
Then we went to my grandparents, like we do every year and got some pictures outside.
The craziest thing about this picture ^^^ is that last year, at this time, Olivia was in my belly in this same location.
|May 10th, 2015, 9 weeks pregnant|
We later took pictures in front of the lilacs (a new Mother’s Day tradition).
|Toby was in his cone (it’s a long story).|
|Look, Daddy, my puppy is in a cone!|
|Seriously, Daddy, why is my puppy in a cone?|
Olivia loved the lilacs.
In fact, she loved them so much that two seconds after this picture was taken, she stuffed some petals into her mouth before Daddy could stop her. (Or perhaps Daddy wasn’t watching her well enough?)
Aaaand we have a mouthful of petals.
It was an amazing day.
(The petals made it safely out of her mouth save for one that was found… the next day.)