4:07am: Wake up. Have to pee. Swallow thyroid med. Hope a full glass of water doesn’t make me barf.
5:15am: Husband rolls out of bed. Momentary flash of anger for waking me up.
6:47am: Wake up. Pee.
8:45am: Must get up. Must do shot. Pee.
8:49am: Inject Lovenox. Fingers crossed for no giant bruise by the end of the day.
9:07am: Eat whatever doesn’t make me want to gag for breakfast.
9:15am: Swallow 7 pills in order of importance in case I gag. Curse infertility for so many pills.
9:43am: Google 6 week US images. Just because.
9:44am: Is that really what the baby looks like?
10:03am: Catch glimpse of 5w4d belly in bathroom mirror. Awww!
10:06am: Catch glimpse 5w4d belly in full-length mirror while brushing hair. Gross.
10:15am: Google pregnancy symptoms.
10:17am: Is the baby really in there? Am I just fat and like to eat?
10:57am: Pee. Damn coffee. Damn water.
11:12am: Feel hungry again.
11:14am: Nope. Too tired to get off couch.
12:02pm: Ok, I’m getting really hungry. Also slightly nauseous.
12:08pm: Ew. Nothing in this house sounds good.
12:10pm: Debate going out for fast food.
12:11pm: NO! I AM STRONG! ALSO, I HAVE NO MONEY.
12:22pm: Pee. Urine not pale yellow. Chug more water.
12:25pm: Ok, seriously I need to eat something. I don’t feel good.
12:30pm: Make quesadilla. Hold back gag when I open jar of salsa.
12:40pm: Scarf quesadilla at alarming rate.
1:00pm: Google beta calculator. Enter in last two betas.
1:02pm: What does this shit even mean?
1:03pm: Swear off Google for the day.
1:10pm: Fall asleep on couch. Mouth may have been open.
2:07pm: Wake up. Pee. Drink more water.
2:14pm: Husband texts. Wants grocery list written. Everything sounds disgusting.
2:15pm: Text back that everything sounds disgusting.
2:17pm: Husbands texts back and says he understands, but could I please make a list because he doesn’t have anything for lunches for work.
2:18pm: Consider texting back: I’M CARRYING YOUR CHILD JERKFACE!
2:25pm: Make grocery list.
2:54pm: Do dishes. Feel accomplished for the day.
3:10pm: Pee. Study toilet paper for signs of blood.
3:11pm: Panic that I will lose the baby.
3:22pm: Nod off while watching TV.
5:02pm: Husband home from work and wakes me up. Says I was snoring. Resist urge to punch him.
5:40pm: Is it time for bed yet?
5:44pm: Eat dinner. Slight nausea.
6:02pm: Time for PIO injection!
6:08pm: Scream into pillow as husband massages injection sites on butt. Think I am going to die.
6:09pm: How I am going to do these injections for 7 more weeks?
7:03pm: OMG! I am so pregnant! Rub fat roll lovingly.
7:42pm: Took a walk. That’s exercise. Reward myself with ice cream. And a girl scout cookie.
8:09pm: Pee. This is fucking ridiculous.
8:26pm: Stare at clock. It’s not weird to want to go to bed now, right?
8:27pm: Take evening meds. Lay on husband’s lap while he plays video games.
8:28pm: He’s probably enjoying me falling asleep so early so he can play his video game. Assface.
8:34pm: Fall asleep on husband’s lap.
9:45pm: Husband wakes me up. Tells me to go up to bed.
9:49pm: Eat five saltines.
9:52pm: In bed. Can’t sleep on side. Boobs feel like bowling balls.
9:54pm: Roll onto back. Squeal when I roll over injection sites on butt.
10:05pm: Asleep for real.