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I’m a big girl. Donor eggs don’t scare me.

I was browsing through my blog last night.  I don’t know, I do that every once in awhile.  Looking thought the old posts, snickering to myself periodically, thinking, “Ah geez, I’m hilarious.” Then I’ll hit on a post that gets too real for me.  Like this one.  I see my old pregnancy tests, back when Adam was growing and dividing in me, and think, “This is so fucking unfair.”

It’s fucking unfair.

I’m thankful I still can keep a (relative) sense of humor while I face the fact that baby-making is not coming as easy as it should.  I can crack Chris up with sex jokes.  Mostly ones having to do with the fact that sex doesn’t work for us anymore.  Now I need science.  And even then, I don’t have a great track record.  But you have to have a sense of humor.

A couple nights ago, we were talking about next steps, trying to plan out when next cycles could happen.  Seeing my husband, bent over my Period Tracker app on my cell phone, brows furrowed in concentration trying to figure out when I will get my period in October… I tell you..

You have to have a sense of humor.

Here’s the thing.  We are down to two decisions.

1) Frozen donor eggs or
2) Fresh donor eggs.

A couple weeks ago, another blogger friend introduced me to the idea of a clinic in Texas doing their own frozen donor egg program.  8 frozen eggs, $15,000.  She loves the clinic and heard they also have this program for donor eggs.  We have a phone consult with one of the docs down there on Monday.

We met with our doctor here on Wednesday.  Conclusion #1: I have shitty eggs.  Conclusion #2: Donor eggs are my best bet.  Prior to the consult with him, we met with our clinic’s donor coordinator.  Long story short, a fresh donor cycle gives us a 73% chance of getting pregnant.  Their goal is to get us 8-15 eggs.  Rarely do couples not have embryos left over to freeze.  $19,000 plus medications, totaling about $24,000.  If we did this, odds are, we would have embryos left over to freeze, to give our future child a sibling.

I know the odds of using frozen eggs verses fresh leads to poorer outcomes.  But it’s cheaper.  I know Texas gives us a couple months’ wait instead of the 7 month wait list for fresh donor eggs from my clinic.

Talk about coming to a cross road.  Having to make a decision.  We are still doing our phone consult for Texas on Monday, but that 73% success rate is hard to ignore.

We know for sure we can eliminate Attain’s donor egg program.  This is what I love about my doctor.  I brought up the fact that I am glad I did Attain for my own IVF’s because the two cycles on their dollar clearly didn’t work and we were refunded that money.  I was distraught about the $45K price tag for Attain this time around, but looking at the success rates, my doctor told us, off the record, he doesn’t think we should do Attain.  He has that much confidence in us getting pregnant from donor eggs, that he doesn’t think it’s worth the money.  “Whether you get pregnant in Texas, or get pregnant here, I will be excited for you guys.  That’s my goal is to get you pregnant.  And if Texas can do it for $10,000 less, I’d be happy for you.”

Gawd! I just want someone to tell me what to do.  I was talking to my dear friend, K who also has this shitty infertility sticker slapped on her, a couple nights ago and she made a good point.  I have an amazing doctor here.  My clinic has one of the best donor programs in the country.  That alone is worth the extra money.  “We knew going into this that having a baby will be expensive.”  Eh. Can’t argue with that.

So basically, we have an appointment with our clinic’s psychologist, as we are required to meet with her prior to doing a donor program.  We will then fill out a personality form, turn it in, and will be put on the donor list.  We will still be free to pursue any other frozen treatments we wish.  But we could be waiting for a donor for 7 months.

That leads me into my last word-vomit.  I posted this on my Facebook page already, so apologies if I come off as a conceited bragger:  “So I can finally tell everyone about this now that things are being confirmed (because how embarrassing would THAT be if it didn’t work out?). I was contacted a few weeks ago by an editor over at mom.me, asking me to be a paid weekly contributor to their site for a new series they are working on. You guys. Someone is going to PAY me to blab about my whorish ovaries on the Internet. This is so cool!”  I think it’s set to begin at the end of July. 

Ahem.  So.  There you go.  THAT’S what I can do for 7 months while I wait around for eggs.  Write.  

As usual, I will keep you guys posted on what the phone consult from Texas brings on Monday.  Love to you all.

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19 Comments on "I’m a big girl. Donor eggs don’t scare me."

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Amanda Eisenberg
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Sure you've already looked in to it but there is also Shady Grove's shared donor/shared risk program. $20,000 for up to 6 cycles using fresh donor eggs plus any associated FETs. No baby? All money, minus drug costs, are refunded. They have offices in VA, MD, PA, and DE.

Cristy
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You talked about wanting to know which road to take. Ugh, I've been there. Truth is there is no right answer except the one that feels best for you and Chris. And I think staying with your current doctor (who sounds amazing!) is an excellent one. I'm hoping for you Risa.

And how cool is that about Mom.me!!!! Congratulations!!!

Suzanne
Guest

Plans! I love plans!! And you sound so positive, which I love even more. The waiting is tiresome. Don't I know it, but I have so much hope for you that this is going to work.

Get to writing!!! Congrats on that!

Sarah J
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Congrats on the writing job!! You are such an excellent writer and I'm glad you can continue to share your talent, and give perspective on infertility struggles to the public. It sounds like you have a couple of good options in front of you, and it's hard to know exactly which way is best for you aside from going with your gut feeling. Trust in the clinic and doctor is important, and well, I'm a huge fan of both in your case. His candidness is what I appreciated most about him. But I think no matter what you decide, you'll… Read more »
Amanda
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Aubrey and I have often said that we wish someone would just CHOOSE and by someone I obviously mean someone ELSE. I think the act of making the decision is often the hardest part… that and writing the check. That part sucks too!

It's good to hear from you, Risa!

Jenny
Guest

Congratulations on the new gig! I will totally read your articles! (Please make sure you give us links.)

As for which option to go with…I'm no help to you. Thankfully you have a lot of great readers who can give you more insight than I can. Whatever you choose, I'm waving my pom-poms and cheering you on from the sidelines. 🙂

Aubrey
Guest

I was just going to come and write that… How I often wished someone would choose what to do FOR me!

Thinking of you, Risa!! Xo

Rebecca
Guest

My husband and I did two rounds of donor eggs while living in WA state. We had success with the second round and now have our beautiful daughter who was born two weeks ago. I wish you the best of luck.

JustHeather
Guest

Congrats on the writing job. I too would love the links to your articles!

Wishing you the best in making this decision. As with everything else, do what is best for you two.

Melissa Long
Guest

Wow congrats on the mom.me thing! That's awesome!!! As for the rest of it, that is some big decisions! I don't know what I'd do, but I wish you the best!

Elisha Kearns
Guest

wowzas! Congrats on the writing gig! This is awesome!!

waitingforbabybird.com

AuntMimi
Guest

I can't wait to hear about your consult on Monday and I'm so excited you get to get paid to write!

inconceivable12
Guest

Congratulations on the new writing job! Will look forward to reading the articles.

Oh yeah, definitely hear you about wishing someone else would make the decisions. It is so hard.

Good luck with all the decisions and hoping for the best for you and Chris!

yetanotherbitterinfertile
Guest

Congrats on the paid writing gig!

I hope your wait for a donor isn't as long as you're anticipating. Or that it at least passes quickly. I follow a few women on Twitter who used donor eggs, and I think so far, they have all had success. Wishing you all the luck!

Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples
Guest

Congrats on your writing gig! And good luck on moving forward with donor eggs. Obviously I am a big fan of DE at the moment and hope that you find a clinic that gives you what you need on your next cycle. Have you looked at Shady Grove..they have a pretty affordable shared risk fresh donor program. Good luck!

Baby Are You Coming
Guest

Congrats on the writing job! No better way to be validated for what you love to do than getting paid for it!

DH and I are just getting started in our IF journey. Best of luck to you!

Suzanne
Guest

You are hilarious. That's what I love about you. Even through all the shitty times, you still have your humor. It's inspiring and shows how brave you are. Your doctor sounds awesome. It's hard to walk away from awesome sometimes, but I completely am all for looking at all options, especially when it comes to cost. Good luck on those decisions, though it sounds like you're pretty close. And super big congrats on the writing gig!! 🙂

linda
Guest
ATTN!!!I'm very happy to inform ya all that all hope isn't lost at all. this message is to the BARREN WOMEN, IMPOTENT MEN, and any one in-need of the fruit of the WOMB.My NAME is Sarah Nolan from the STATES.I was Married for about 18 years and was unable to conceive. i have done series of Test and the Result was that i wont be able to bear any CHILD because i was BARREN.I cried and cried because my Husband threatened to get married to someone else. I shared my marriage story with my parent in France and they told… Read more »
Larry Massie
Guest
BE CAREFUL HERE NOBODY CAN HELP YOU HERE OR EVEN SUGGEST HOW YOU CAN GET YOUR EX OR LOVE BACK,ANY TESTIMONIES OF MOST SPELL CASTER HERE MUST BE IGNORE.BECAUSE MOST OF THEM ARE SCAM I MEAN REAL SCAM WHICH I WAS A VICTIM AND I GOT RIPPED OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS BECAUSE I WAS SO ANXIOUS TO GET MY WIFE BACK AFTER SHE LEFT ME FOR OVER 2 YEARS WITH MY 7 YEARS OLD SON JERRY,I HAVE APPLIED TO 7 DIFFERENT SPELL CASTER HERE AND ALL TO NO AVAIL THEY ALL ASK FOR SAME THING SEND YOUR NAME YOUR EX… Read more »
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