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Beta was negative, but surprisingly, I’m not

It’s over.  Beta was negative yesterday.  Our plan as of right now is to set up another WTF conference with our doctor sometime soon.

Someone gave me this list of supplements they take for improving egg quality and I want to ask Dr. K. if I should take them for a few months before IVF #3 commences:

  • Coq10 300mg 2x day
  • L-Arginine 1000mg 2x day
  • royal jelly 500 mg 2x day
  • bee pollen 2x day
  • Spirulina and Chlorella as directed
  • Buffalo liver pills (to build and maintain healthy blood)
  • Melatonin 3 mg at night 
  • Vitamin D

Don’t ask me what they are.  I only know the Coq10.  Is anyone else on any of these?

It’s been a tough week.  I think I dealt with my feelings during the TWW, with all the crap that went down with losing 80% of our embryos that were supposed to be doing fine, and having an embryo transferred that was behind in growth.  Overall, it was a shitty cycle and one that I want to forget.

I received a lot of support yesterday from sweet friends and family and I am so blessed to have you all in my life.  I really am doing ok.  I received many sweet texts: I’m so sorry, My heart is breaking for you, I wish I could make it better.

I don’t know if it’s just stellar distraction with NaNo this month, but I was sitting there going, Yeah but guys, guess what? I’m totally writing this killer sex scene in my novel! You should read it!

I’m like a child.  I fall and skin my knee and start to cry, but then I see the ice cream truck and start chasing it.

I’m doing ok this cycle.  And like I have told some people, this I will take over a miscarriage any day.  I have had failed cycles before (it doesn’t mean I am happy about all those needles I had to stab in my body everyday for nothing) and I will tell you, losing Adam is something I never want to experience again.  So if I had to chose between a failed cycle and losing my baby, I will always be accepting of it not working.

In case you missed it, the sock exchange sign up is here, and if you haven’t read my excerpt from my NaNo book, you can get to it here.  Also, shout to to Kasey, who is taking on this insane challenge with me!  You can read her excerpt here.

Love to you all.  Sharing my story, I’m talking about my blog and infertility, not shamelessly promoting my novel here again, has been the best decision I have ever made.  You guys are wonderful.

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Amanda
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Ugh! So, so sorry, Risa! I'm glad to hear you're doing well after the negative BETA, but I know that a failed IVF cycle can't be easy. So sorry that you have to go through this. It just sucks, my friend! I'm no help with the supplements, as the only "supplement" I've ever been on was Pregnitude, but I have heard from multiple doctors that Myoisotol helps ovulation (not needed) and potentially, egg quality. You might ask about that one too. Hope you get some answers from your doctor soon!

Amanda Eisenberg
Guest

I'm so sorry Risa, but I am there with you on preferring a negative BETA to another MC. We had our BETA pow-wow last Friday and are in the middle of our third, and final, IUI – which will take place sometime this weekend. I know that one day both of us will have our babies, and the needle marks to show for it!

Kasey A
Guest

Oh Risa first I am so sorry that you had a negative. Sending you hugs and love. I'm so glad that Nanowrimo is there to distract you. It really has helped me too. I'm so glad I have someone to dive into it with me. Saying a prayer for peace. Can't wait to read more of your story xo

Jennifer Juniper
Guest

I'm so sorry. I'm glad you have such a good outlook though. That's so important! xoxoxoxo!!

Suzanne
Guest

I am so so sorry. Sending you a ton of hugs. xoxo

Cristy
Guest

Oh lady. Though I agree with you that a failed cycle is easier to stomach than a miscarriage, my heart is still broken to see this news. I was really hoping. Please be good to yourself during this time.

shay
Guest

So sorry to hear this, but glad you are keeping an amazing attitude about all of it. Hugs!

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

You are the bravest person I know! So entirely sorry!
Sarah stadler

Non Sequitur Chica
Guest

I'm so sorry to hear about your beta.

As far as egg quality supplements, here is what my doctor recommended (and I took): http://nonsequiturchica.blogspot.com/2013/01/doctor-recommended-supplements.html.

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

So saddened by this news Risa 🙁 You are so courageous! With your determination, it will happen!
Cyber hugs to you dear one!!!
Terri >

JoJo
Guest

I'm so sorry…I was hoping at least one of us would of gotten some good news. Eventhough I havent gotten my BETA I am preparing myself for it. Happy to see that you are preparing yourself for your upcoming cycle. Check this site out http://www.naturalfertility.com you can read some info about the bee pollen etc. I use to take it.

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

Love ya…god has a plan but sometimes its hsrd to see thru the pain and frustration. I am praying for u.
Tia xoxo

Megs
Guest

I'm sorry, Risa. I'm glad you have a great distraction this month. I took the royal jelly and bee pollen for 3 months before my most recent cycle (after my miscarriage, I had to take a break anyway). I did it because I know a 42 year old who did that and got pregnant on her first IUI – I figured, hey, if it worked for the 42 year old, why not me? Anyway, I got pregnant on my most recent cycle, and I'm only 8 weeks, but so far so good. I figure why not? It didn't cause any… Read more »

Infertile625
Guest

Hugs!

MrsDjRass
Guest

You are such a strong and awesome lady. I can't wait to read your novel:-)
You probably don't need my hug, but I'm sending it anyway.

infertilityabsurdity
Guest

That just sucks. So, so, sorry to hear about the outcome. Will be thinking of you.

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

Oh no! Sorry to hear about your beta. I took CoQ10 between my 1st and 2nd IVFs and got a higher fertilization rate: 1st IVF=9 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized; 2nd IVF=6 retrieved, 5 fertilized, all 5 frozen. Waiting to start IVF #3 now, which may be delayed because I caught the flu despite a flu shot. The recommended CCRM supplements are here, but they don't mention Royal Jelly. In fact, I'm surprised that they don't mention DHEA either; http://www.colocrm.com/FertilitySupplements.aspx

–Darya

Ann Foster
Guest

damnit! I agree, it's definitely better than a miscarriage, BUT it's still a loss. I wish all of this made sense. I wish you would have a glimmer into the future and know that this will all work out the way it's supposed to. Hang in there. I'm praying for you.

Aubrey
Guest

🙁 I'm sorry about this cycles result. I know that you will become a mom, so hold onto the hope faith and your amazingly positive attitude 🙂 XOXOXO

Not Pregnant And Pissed!
Guest

I am glad you are doing ok…I think I can understand why it's so easy to handle after experiencing your miscarriage. Like you said, you've gotten BFN many times in the past. I am sorry you had to go through the retrieval and transfer and all the poking and drug taking. Sucks to put so much into a cycle and have it be a bust. I have taken Royal Jelly and Spirulina….still not pregnant over here but they are nice all natural supplements and it cant hurt to try it!

Caroline
Guest

Sorry Risa – Continue to have hope! I'm on all of those except the last 3 and would love to help with any questions you might have!

jAllen
Guest

So sorry Risa, I'm so happy to hear that your taking things in stride as you regroup! Hugs to you!

Erika
Guest

I'm so sorry, friend. That really sucks. 🙁 I haven't taken most of those supplements, but must confess that I really hope you share more about BUFFALO LIVER PILLS. I hope they are made out of buffaloes. Okay, I guess not really, but that would be a great story. True story- another IF/endo blogger I read, a few years ago, she was put on this really weird tea blend thing by her acupuncturist. It was all these random loose herbs and leaves and stuff and she had to brew up this tea (not like…bags of tea). Anyway, apparently it smelled… Read more »

Catwoman73
Guest

I'm so sorry, Risa. I'm glad you're feeling positive, and taking charge by looking into supplements, but this is a loss. Don't forget to look after yourself right now- eat chocolate, drink wine, whatever you need to do.

I look forward to hearing more about the supplements. I've taken CoQ10, vitamin D and melatonin, but I'm quite curious what you find out about the others.

Hugs to you…

Holly
Guest

Risa your attitude is amazing. I love the ice cream truck analogy. Our 2nd IVF didn't work either but we too had an early miscarriage on the first. I was more frustrated than anything but I never want anything to implant again unless it equals healthy baby at the end. I'm sure you have tried metformin, but that was the trick for my sister in law (they never gave me it). Anyway, the wtf appointment will hopefully be insightful and I'm so pumped for your novel! Keep promoting it, I'm all excited to read

Jenni Moore
Guest

I totally agree that I would take a failed cycle over miscarriage. A BFN is heartbreaking enough but a miscarriage is a totally different level of loss. This is a lot of the reason we decided to stop treatments after our second miscarriage. Wishing you the best on your next cycle and can't wait to read more of your novel.

Aramis
Guest

So sorry, Risa. You sound like you are dealing really well, but that doesn't make it suck any less. As for the supplements, I did 800mg per day of CoQ10 (400 mg twice per day), but it didn't seem to help. Are you already taking DHEA? That's the other big one for egg quality, and seemed to help a little with my last cycle. Maybe talk to your doc about that?

belovedburnttoast
Guest

Blahhhhh I am so sorry to read this. But, I admire your positive attitude, and I 100% agree that I'd take a BFN over a miscarriage any day of the week.

Can't wait to read more of your book. I'm very intrigued.

inconceivable12
Guest

I'm sorry that this happened. Glad that it sounds like you are dealing well – it sounds like your novel is coming along. Will be thinking of you and Chris.

Emily
Guest

Boo…so sorry.
I have a little help to offer on the supplement end…
I took vitamin D, coenzyme Q10 and melatonin. I quit the melatonin quite quickly because it screwed up my sleep…weird, isn't it supposed to help with that?
I have no idea if they helped or not, but they certainly didn't hurt…probably the easiest and cheapest part of the whole experience!
I'm glad you're keeping positive and I'm hoping the best for you!

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

Yes, but maybe squirrel poop is the name of a Chinese plant–the way fox gloves and baby's breath aren't really what their names are….

Amber
Guest

I wish this cycle had been better for you in every aspect, but I am so glad that you are handling it in stride. As for the supplements, the only one I know is melatonin, which is a natural sleep aid. I've never heard of it helping IF, but it can't hurt! My husband and a couple friends take it just to help them sleep better at night.

Kandie Walker
Guest

Dang. 🙁 Glad you are staying positive. I agree I don't ever want to be pregnant again unless it is going to end in a take home baby. Both situations are heart breaking but one leaves a pain that will never fully go away. Can't wait to read the book because I know it will be great and funny!

rainbeforerainbow
Guest

I'm sorry about the negative Beta. I'm really happy to see how positive you're feeling about what is to come though. You will be a great mom!I started CoQ10 a few months before doing IUIs (after two miscarriages). I have no idea if it helped, but I did get pregnant on the second IUI with a (so far) healthy pregnancy. I also started L-Arginine after my first failed IUI, because it supposedly helps blood flow to the uterus and to create a thicker lining. My lining was thicker the for the second IUI, so I like to think it helped.I… Read more »

Steph
Guest

I'm so sorry about the negative beta Risa, but your positive attitude about the next cycle is great. Here's hoping that the next cycle has the perfect outcome!

Alexicographer
Guest
Alexicographer

Oof, I'm sorry about the negative and no help on the supplements. I do totally agree (though I haven't BTDT), I had tons of BFNs on treatment (IVF or FET in my case) cycles, and they STANK. But I was so grateful not to endure losses, just negatives.

Good luck to you as you move forward (and on getting advice on the supps).

dspence
Guest

I'm so sorry. Looking forward to hearing more about the supplements!

Stasy
Guest

I'm so sorry, though I'm glad to see you're already looking forward and not getting too down about it.

I loved the excerpt!

JenS
Guest

I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work. I admire your attitude, though.
As for the supplements…I took most of those for about 4 months before starting IVF #3. I also took DHEA. I think they helped. They probably can't hurt. I think you need to give them a good 3 months to get any benefit out of them.