I for one, am thoroughly enjoying these guest posts. There is something so refreshing in seeing other point-of-views and knowing that you can pretty much relate with at least some part of it. Going through the miscarriage was unlike anything I have ever experienced. Knowing that my thoughts were so similar to others having to experience the same thing, has literally been my saving grace. It is what is helping me heal. Of course then I feel like a total douche-canoe for even thinking that.
Rah! Rah! More people I know with broken dreams!
We met with our doctor this past Thursday to discuss ICSI and our next protocol. But then Friday we went to the Minnesota State Fair and I ate myself rotund in Pronto Pups and deep fried candy bars. Saturday we canned. Like all day. Tomatoes, pickles, salsa, and green beans. We have 50 pints of green beans. Sunday, we ran our errands and decided it was just.too.hot. so we went to a ridiculously expensive water park that I am almost positive is coming out of the kids’ “Creating Life” fund. So this update is coming a bit late.
We may have (some sort of) answers. He told us the Dhea and total testosterone levels were normal. The AMH test wasn’t back yet. He went over all of the cycles and bloodwork results since we started there in December. When he came to the IVF cycle, my stomach clenched. I saw a lot of numbers written down. No where in the chart did it say, “Adam.” Dr. Kuneck called him the next best thing. My single beautiful embryo.
Then there were the two “abnormal” embryos that Adam was hanging out in the petri dish with for three days. When the embryologist called and told me that two of the three embryos were abnormal, I remember asking what that meant. “Just that they didn’t divide correctly,” was what she said. Maybe she mistook me for Miley-fucking-Cyrus, but she could have told me the actual reason. I, along with my fellow infertiles, are, like, tah-tally in the know. We “get” things. It’s not that hard to understand.
It would appear, ladies and gents, that not one, but two of those cray-cray sperms got in to those eggs. Two sperm. Got in. My eggs. I didn’t think that was even possible. It’s not supposed to be. Polyspermy. More than two sperm enter the egg, because the zona pellucida (the outer shell surrounding the egg) is a little whore and lets everyone in to party. Normally, in my fellow fertiles, this would be an impossibility. Because only one sperm can enter one egg to make a successful embaby. To simplify:
However, in my case, if my eggs had issues Just Saying No, and had a weak shell, then it makes total sense that more than one sperm was able to get in and ruin everybody’s lives. It’s like one too many hands in the Doritos Bag, people. It’s just makes everyone crabby.
So hence the reason for ICSI: injecting just one of the best sperm into each egg, so that more of my eggs have a chance to fertilize normally. He told me I miscarried by chance. Before you say that sounds harsh, it’s actually comforting. Dr. K wasn’t concerned that I miscarried. So it gives me hope that next time around, we still just have to focus on fertilization and let my body do the rest. He told us he wants to transfer two from now on. Because, he explained, if we go through, let’s say three more cycles, transferring a total of 6 embryos and none of them survive to a baby, that’s when he will tell us enough and we will have to move on.
We are also going to do a micro-Lupron protocol this time around, with a higher dose, earlier on to see if my body can produce more eggs. We are also going to do a double HCG trigger, meaning two IM injections (cue Chris, my ass, and lots of ice) 12-hours apart. All this, along with transferring two embryos, will hopefully be it.
I asked him what would happen if my AMH test came back with less than ideal results. He said that it is up to Attain to make the decision if they want to gamble on us, with my old-ass eggs. He (and this is the best part) looks at us and tells us that if this happens, he will call them. And fight for us. And that 80% of the time, Attain will reverse the decision in the opinion of the doctor.
Well today I got a voice mail from him saying my AMH came back at 0.61 and they ideally want it over 0.7. He told me that it’s low, but not too low and that he feels this micro-Lupron protocol, along with ICSI was the best decision.
It’s strange, but I feel this horrible urge to run to every person who has told me to Just relax- Are you sure you’re doing it right?-You’re probably just stressed and go HA! In Yo Face! I DO have a problem! But that wouldn’t be very nice.