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Guess What? I’m PUPO!

(Pregnant until proven otherwise, that is!)
It was weird driving to the clinic knowing that we would be coming home with an embryo.  Chris said he woke up at 5:00 am, unable to sleep because he was so excited.  I was in the bathroom getting ready when I started getting this weird feeling.  The embryo, I think it’s a boy.  Don’t ask me why.  It was a feeling.
I got ready, nixed the makeup again because I wasn’t supposed to wear powders.  I put on my lucky socks and my bracelet that was blessed that my cousin had given me, filled up my 32oz water bottle to start chugging at 10:15 and finish by 10:45.
Then we were off! I took my Valium in the car and by the time we were sitting in the waiting room, I was starting to feel the effects.

I figured by that time, we were in the clear and were good to go, that the embryo was still growing.  We were finally brought back to the procedure room and by that time I really had to pee!  You have to have a very full bladder and if you don’t, they fill it for you.  We won’t go there.  The nurse had both of us change into surgical attire before the doctor came in.

The same doctor we had for retrieval, Dr. C., came in to talk to us.  He said the embryo was supposed to be 6-8 cells and ours was 8. Also, for a 3-day transfer, they don’t grade embryos like they do with a 5-day blastocyst.  These embryos are given scores from 1-4, with a 1 being the best and 4 being the worst. Ours was a 2.  So Dr. C. was really happy with that, which of course was a huge relief to me.

We then went to the surgical suite where I was for retrieval.  I got into the gurney and had my legs stuck into stirrups and a sheet (kind of) placed over me, but I could feel I was exposed to the world.  In front of me, there was this huge window, and I was told that that was the embryology lab and that my little embryo was in there, keeping warm.  I wanted to cry until six staff members from nurses to ultrasound techs to lab techs proceeded to parade in front of my lady business, prepping everything.  It was exciting.  The u/s tech was explaining who everyone was and what was going on.  Dr. C. came in and said he was going to do another trial transfer to make sure my uterus and all was in a good position.  I had the Valium in me and I totally had to pee, but it was all forgotten when I started watching on the screen.  The tech was showing me where the catheter was.  Chris was sitting on a stool by my side and was watching it all too.

“Look,” she told me, “Watch! He’s going to put the embryo in now!”

The embryo is microscopic, but she showed me the little fluid pouch where it was.  It was pretty amazing to watch.

See the arrow? That’s pointing to the little blob of fluid where my embryo is now residing.  That long bright line is the catheter.  It was pretty cool.  I wish I could describe that feeling I had watching that happen, but it’s hard to put into words.

I had to lie on the table for 10 minutes after before I could get up.  I was worried that I was going to be dying and begging for a bedpan, but I think I was just so excited.  Chris and I just talked quietly and marveled at what we had just saw.

The nurse came back and I was allowed to get up and pee.  Then we went to the recovery room where I had to lie flat for another half hour.

The lucky socks! From the same blogger friend who gave me my lightening bolt ones from retrieval.

Then I got up, walked out to the car and Chris drove me home with me lying in the backseat.  I sent a few texts to my friends and family, letting them know how it went.  We got home and my best friend came over with a little care package.  Chris has been waiting on me hand and foot.  I have been laying on the couch, still in awe that I am technically pregnant.

Infertility has been 4 years of hell.  It has led to heartbreak, tears, jealousy, and anger.  It’s a miracle I could come out of this unscathed.  And then I saw this picture.  How many people can say they have a picture of their child three days after conception?  I then realized who I was doing this for.  Not for me.  Not for Chris.  For this little one.  Take a look the most breathtakingly beautiful picture that has ever rendered me speechless:

Science has done all they could.  It’s now up to my body to keep this little guy alive and thriving.  It may work.  It may not.  But for now, I am not going to focus on either.  I am not going to think about the weeks ahead of me.  I am going to live in this moment.  It doesn’t matter right now if this little one doesn’t stay.  I’m just going to enjoy the fact that there is life inside me.  Something I have never experienced.  Because right now, for just this moment in time, I am a mother.

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Just T
Guest

Your little boy embryo looks absolutely perfect to me!

My fingers are crossed for this tww to fly by and end with a big ole BFP!

Impatiently Waiting
Guest

I cried reading this! How exciting! I am so hopeful for you and I just know deep down this is going to work. Big hugs, my dear, dear friend! High five Chris for me too!

Kasey Attianese
Guest

Crying over here as well. Just know a pair of strangers are pulling for you and your pregnancy! We are holding your family in our prayers!

Aislinn
Guest

I'm so excited for you and Chris! Your last paragraph made me cry. You're a very strong woman, Risa and I admire you so much. I have my fingers crossed that your little guy will decide to stick around for the next few months!

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

So that little ambiguous blob is my future grandchild? Cool!

Risa
Guest

Thanks Tonisha 🙂 He is pretty perfect 🙂

Risa
Guest

I am so hoping this is going to work! I will definitely high five him for you 😉

Risa
Guest

Kasey you are so amazing. I appreciate your prayers and support so much.

Risa
Guest

🙂 so sweet. Thanks so much for this. I don't know what I would do without you wonderful ladies 🙂

Risa
Guest

Daddy! Geez. I know deep down, you are touched 🙂

Em
Guest

Yes, you are certainly, certainly, certainly by all means a mother.

Baby On Mind
Guest

Congrats on being PUPO! Was thinking and praying for you guys today. Your little embaby looks gorgeous! Enjoy being PUPO!

Infertile625
Guest

OH fingers are crossed my dear! Enjoy it. I have a feeling it's going to stick around!

Jenni Moore
Guest

Add me to this list of those you made cry! I'm so excited for you and definitely hope you can enjoy every second! Most people can't wait for the beta and end up POAS. I only made that mistake once. Then I realized that I actually like the 2WW better because during that time there is still a chance. Once you do the test, it's either yes or no, so enjoy every second that you are PUPO! Praying he sticks around!

Risa
Guest

🙂

Risa
Guest

Thank you! He is pretty gorgeous!

Risa
Guest

Thanks so much for your encouragement! I'm hoping he likes it in there.

Risa
Guest

Thanks Jenni! I haven't decided if I'm going to test early. Oh who am I kidding? Of course I will 🙂

Sarah J
Guest

So happy for you and Chris and for all the greatness that today was/is! I stared at that photo of your embryo and imagined it growing into a BABY, a human life…that is pretty powerful. Gah. Indeed a unique way to start observing a life!

I will be thinking of you and hoping that this guy sticks and makes himself (or herself) very comfortable! Best of luck to you.

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

Your last two paragraphs are beautifully written. You have put into words how most of us have felt. Wishing you a successful outcome!

Team Harries
Guest

sweet little embryo!! Y'all made a beautiful couple and no doubt your kids will have your pretty genes too!! PUPO!!!

Amanda Buck
Guest

So happy for you! This is SO AMAZING!

jAllen
Guest

Love your pictures! You two look so cute and will make awesome parents!

Kandie Walker
Guest

Congrats on being PUPO! Praying for you and your baby boy! 🙂

Risa
Guest

Sarah this gave me chills!

Risa
Guest

Thanks so much!

Risa
Guest

Aww thanks! Pupo!!!

Risa
Guest

Thanks Amanda! It's pretty amazing. Hard to believe this came from. I both of us.

Risa
Guest

🙂 Ahhhh thanks dear!

Aramis
Guest

Sounds like a great day all around. Stick, little guy, stick!

Risa
Guest

Thanks Kandie! Ha ha definitely a baby boy. 🙂

Risa
Guest

I'm just so relieved the he is in my where he belongs. The last few days have been full of uncertainty so I'm glad he's here with me.

Emily
Guest

That embryo is a beaut! Stick, stick, stick!

Cristy
Guest

Yay for a great transfer!! Come on little one: burrow and make yourself comfy! In the meantime, take good care of yourself mama.

Sarah at Midwest Pillowtalk
Guest

absolutely the most beautiful picture ive laid eyes on.
xxo

A Few Good Eggs
Guest

Yay! Congrats!

JustHeather
Guest

Woohoo! Stick little bean, stick!

It is so interesting to see how clinics do things differently. For transfer, there was no scrubs or laying around for a while. In fact, I was just told to take it easy, but no bed rest necessary.

Aubrey
Guest

Woohoo! You're PUPO!! Fingers crossed for you, girl! 🙂

Amie
Guest

Yaay!! This is very exciting, congrats Mama 🙂

mommy someday
Guest

Congratulations on being PUPO! Praying that this is it for you two! 🙂

A Place to be Me
Guest

Hooray for PUPO! Sticky vibes for you! And that bracelet is gorgeous!

Mrs. Lost
Guest

It must be an amazing feeling!

Jennifer Juniper
Guest

Woohooo PUPO!!! You're a mother! xoxo

Risa
Guest

That totally made me laugh!

Jenn
Guest

Awesome!!! I wish you the very best of luck. Grow embabies grow!!!! 🙂

Risa
Guest

I hope he finds some prime real estate here soo much and settles in. 🙂

Risa
Guest

🙂 thanks Sarah!

Risa
Guest

Thanks lovely!

Risa
Guest

I was looking online today about bedrest and all these links were saying what my doctor said. That it may be an old wives tale, and that the point is to relax and destress. I've been up a few times. Mainly because it's hard for me to lie down and eat. Just mainly lounging around and taking it easy 🙂

Risa
Guest

Thanks Aubrey!