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Mmmmmmm Bacon….

Last night after I got home from work, Risa and I listened to the voicemail that the clinic left with our results. I have to give her mad props for having that voicemail on her phone for over four hours and not listening to it until I got there. That takes a ton of will power and its something that she has built up more and more going through this. After listening to the voicemail we went out to Granite City and this is what Risa ate:

As you can probably guess from the pictures of the Bedda Chedda Bacon Burger (mmmmm bacon) and the sangria, we found out her beta was negative. This 2WW for me was one of the worst ones that we have faced. We both felt confident with the timing of our 2 IUIs and this time Risa was getting a few more side effects than she had during the other two cycles which gave me more hope. It’s funny how being tired all the time, having a few mood swings, and constant bloating can give anyone hope but it did. We also know a few other couples who were successful on their third IUI. All of these things helped to create a bit of wiggle room for that hope to setup in my heart (and I’m sure in her’s too) that this time might be the one. 
Unfortunately our BFP did not come but we are not yet done. Our journey continues on and this quote from my favorite Dr states why we continue to move forward. Doing things will be the only way that we can change this outcome which is why we scheduled two weeks ago an appointment with our real Dr to talk about what the next steps are later this month. New things will come and this quote helps to give me hope that change is on the horizon. 
Lastly today while I was elbow deep in a spreadsheet at work listening to my iPod, a song came on that I feel is a really good song for us infertiles during this journey. The song is “Be Still” by the Fray (live version linked below) and the way it was written allows for it to take on so many different point of views. Today after having our negative beta, I listened to it under the context of Risa and I’s journey together through this difficult times as anyone going through this knows how stressful infertility is on a relationship, even without Clomid induced rages. I then played it back again and the point of view that came to me was that of the child that is waiting and that we are waiting for. I think this view can also be shared with those who have also sadly lost their child to help give comfort as well. It’s amazing how during times when you least expect it, your iPod seems to know exactly what you need to hear and provide that song that just sings home. 
http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/4PXCyekXxUU&source=uds

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Impatiently Waiting
Guest

I am so sorry that you did not get your BFP. I know the pain. Thank you for posting, Chris. I am excited for your next steps. Give her a big hug for me and tell her I will send more cookies! 🙂

jAllen
Guest

Thank you so much for posting Chris. We feel we have gotten to know your through Risa and it was so refreshing to hear your voice and thanks for sharing the blokes perspective with us birds. I love the quote from Dr House and I may borrow it. I'm wishing you the best as you move forward and I have good feelings for you two. I hope the bacon helped to make the crappy situation a little better. NB Chilis is our pregnancy disappointment restaurant

Jamie
Guest

<3 so very well said! I am rooting so hard for you two! I'll keep my seat warm in the cheering section for the next step!

Aubrey
Guest

I'm so sorry!! Risa, you're a lucky gal to have a husband who seems to have such a great perspective.

Thinking of you! xo

Ann Foster
Guest

I am so so sorry. 🙁

Cristy
Guest

I'm so sorry for this news. 🙁 I was hoping for you both.

Take the time you need to heal. I'm glad you two have one another.

Meagan
Guest
Meagan

I'm sorry, you guys. Hang in there. Thinking of you through this difficult time!! Hope and prayers for the next steps.

JenS
Guest

I'm so sorry. I had hope for you this cycle.

Sarah at Midwest PIllowtalk
Guest

hi from iclw!
i look forward to following your journey and wishing the best for the two of you along the way. it can be so hard 🙁 im so sorry.
i think its amazing that you post as well, and that quote sure has a lot of meaning when trying to get pregnant.
& granite city is my all time favorite! YUM!

Lisa
Guest

I'm so sorry.

belovedburnttoast
Guest

Very sorry to read this, but hopeful for the next one and glad you are staying positive. That burger looks amazing.

Aramis
Guest

Dammit. Sorry this cycle didn't work out for you guys.

Kate Payne
Guest

So sorry about the BFN 🙁

P.S. Granite City is by me too…thats where my husband and I had our first date 🙂

Sarah J
Guest

I'm so sorry to read about your BFN. Hoping you find plenty of strength as you move forward with this journey. I really like the quote you shared; it's a nice reminder that while we can't control a whole lot, we can't do nothing and expect different results. Best of luck to you.

AuntMimi
Guest

Sorry to hear about the BFN! Never easy!

Jenni Moore
Guest

I am so sorry! I know how painful and heartbreaking each BFN is. Chris, this is beautifully written! I think we sometimes forget how much all of this effects our hubbies and that you guys want that BFP as much as we do! Thanks for reminding me of that! Praying for you guys as always!

Amber
Guest

I'm sorry you both are having to go through this, but so glad you have each other. I find it extremely heartwarming that you have written this post, Chris. That is an incredible quote from Dr. House. I think I'm going to have to steal it. I'm looking forward to cheering you both on as you continue forward.

Em
Guest

First of all, so so sorry to hear about the BFN. Such a bummer. Beyond a bummer. Hoping that the convo with the doc brings some hope and peace about where you're headed.

Also, it's very cool that Chris is writing too. Go Chris!