Loading...

In Which I Beat Clomid

CD9:

Casualties: 0

Husband: Intact

I’m kind of nervous.  I finished my 5 day cycle of Clomid on Friday.  I am a little bloated.  Less though, than I was, because my diet is now lower in sodium.  And I snapped a few times at Chris, but that could just be my natural bitchiness and have nothing to do with medications.  No hot flashes.  No crying bouts.  No rages.  Everything is just so much tamer.  It makes me nervous.  Every time I take my first dose of Clomid on CD3, I always get this “here-goes-nothing” feeling.  This “I-wonder-what-I-will-scream-at-Chris-for-this-month” attitude that has always been there.  Is my body getting used to these added hormones?

When I first started Clomid, back a beh-JILLION months ago, I read that if Clomid doesn’t work after 6 cycles, it won’t ever.  As my OBGYN put it, “You can be on Clomid forever; that doesn’t mean it’ll work any better.”  Forever.  Can you imagine?  Infertiles everywhere are throwing up their hands in terror and punching their spouses in the face. 

Forever.  That’s how long I’ve been on Clomid.  12 cycles.  I’m going to get ovarian cancer.  I know I am.  I hope this was my last cycle.  I’m done with it.  It hasn’t gotten me any more pregnant.  I just have to thank my lucky stars that I haven’t had to deal with ovarian hyperstimulation yet.

I am feeling a sense of peace this month.  Not the Al Bundy sense of relaxation, but just.. peace.  That this is it.  That after this cycle, we are done with IUIs.  It’s not going to work.  One more cycle and then we move on.  I saw three more Facebook pregnancy announcements on Facebook.  And I am ok with it.  Sure, I would be happier if it was ME, but I haven’t had that sick feeling of seeing those announcements and comparing them to my own vacant uterus.

I’m doing ok.  I am having sex with my husband and not thinking about it leading to a baby.  I am taking more walks.  I am down 2.5 pounds this week since starting Nutrisystem.  I am trying to deal with the fact that I will most likely be doing IVF.  When I got married, I never dreamed I would be one of Those People who did IVF.  When I got married, I thought IVF babies were literally conceived in test tubes.  (I’ve gotten much smarter since then).  I’m doing ok.

So Clomid, allow me to give you a very big Fuck You.  I win.

You might also like

7
Leave a Reply

avatar
7 Comment threads
0 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
1 Comment authors
EmImpatiently WaitingA Place to be MeJenSJen Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Megan
Guest

I never thought we would be ivf people either. Hoping & praying this one is it for you. Congrats on not going on a murderous rampage. Im convinced becomming an axe murderer is a side effect of clomid.

Amber
Guest

Hee hee, Al Bundy. You never cease to entertain. I am glad the Clomid Bi*** didn't come out to play this round. Even though it appears to be unlikely, lets just cross our fingers and hope this last iui cycle actually works and you won't have to do IVF.

Jen
Guest

Clomid didn't work at all for me (I didn't even ovulate one egg on it, but I also had zero side effects). I didn't imagine being financially able to be an IVF person, let alone a repeat customer. But one thing infertility shows you is you never imagine what you are willing to go through and get through to become a parent. Good luck!

JenS
Guest

I never imagined I would be an IVF person either. It's crazy how normal it becomes.
I do have to say, one benefit of being of "advanced maternal age" is most people I know on FB already have kids so I don't get hit with a ton of pregnancy announcements all the time. Hope you can hold on to this sense of peace.

A Place to be Me
Guest

C'mon Clomid!

Impatiently Waiting
Guest

Ha ha! Love this post! You make me laugh! Fuck Clomid, show that bitch who's boss!
Have you tried or talked about Femara? No side effects!!

Em
Guest

Have they ever recommended something besides clomid? I'm starting femara next. I've heard from several women for whom clomid didn't work but femara did. On the other hand, heading towards IVF is scary, but it can also be a great place to be because you're really likely to be successful. Continuing to pray and hope and hope and pray.