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You might be infertile if…

I have nothing else to do during this 2WW so Chris and I came up with this useless list that we had a great time making.  Enjoy!

You might be infertile if…

…More than just you and your husband are involved in making a baby.

… He can get it up anytime, anywhere.  Except here:

… You spend all of your money on fertility treatments.  Then you have no money.

… Any trip over one day involves careful planning on how to keep the progesterone suppositories from melting during the car ride.

… Your stomach clenches in knots hearing/seeing every. single. pregnancy. announcement.

… You don’t cry over spilled milk.  You cry because you don’t have any milk.

… All of your baby names keep getting stolen by fertiles.  You’re left with Gidgit and Apple.

… Your husband/partner is more versed in female reproduction than a Women’s Health Practitioner.

… Your dog looks at you like this when you tell him he may not get to be a big brother:

… You realize it’s inevitable that your youngest sister will probably get pregnant before you do.

… Your friend had one drunken one-night stand and got knocked up.  You’ve been abstaining from alcohol for four years and you didn’t.

… That same friend now has maternity photos with her and the one night stand, and then later has pictures of her baby plastered all over her Facebook account.  You and your husband just had a failed IUI.

… You talk about your vagina to anyone who will listen.

… You’ve ever gone cross-eyed trying to find that little pink line.

… You can’t commit to anything because you have to wait for your period to start, to know when your doctor appointments will be.

… You seriously consider taking up crack. Or going on welfare.  Because people who do that always get pregnant.  Three or four times.

… You know what EWCM stands for.

… You are sitting with a group of women and the conversation inevitably turned to children, sharing birth stories, swapping tips on breastfeeding.. and you sit there quietly because you have nothing to contribute.

… You can shoot up injections better than a heroin-addict.

… You live in a five bedroom house… and four of those rooms are used for storage.

… You have more people hidden from your timeline than you actually see, because all your Facebook friends have children.

… You spend more time in stirrups than a cowboy.

… Your RE sees your lady parts more than your spouse.

… You are reading this, nodding your head and agreeing to everything on here.

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55 Comments on "You might be infertile if…"

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ousoonerchick
Guest

Love your post. Only one glass a day just FYI.

hopefullysoon
Guest

I was SO nodding my head!

Amanda Greavu
Guest

Haha! This is precious. I love the cowboy one, but my favorite is your selection of leftover baby names. I swear I've had names picked out so many times and then they suddenly become super popular so they get the boot. I'll probably bring them back out though as those kids are turning FIVE now!

Teresa F
Guest

OMG! I have to shre this!! I am linking this to my post tonight!! LOVE IT!

Aramis
Guest

This is great! I would also add "when your mother-in-law knows enough to ask you about your cervical mucous". Yeah, that happened. My fave is the cowboy line!

jAllen
Guest

OMG This is awesome! Especially agree with needed to wait for AF to schedule your appointment before you can make any other plans!

JenS
Guest

Love it! I have considered going on an all junk food, white trash diet and start smoking crack since that seems to be the key to fertility.

Amber
Guest

What a perfectly hilarious and true post! Only thing is I don't actually know what EWCM stands for??? Maybe I'm not as infertile as I thought!! (I wish). This is a wonderful list. Thank you for sharing it!

Jen
Guest

Pretty good list and a humorous way to point out some serious stuff.

Aubrey
Guest

Yes, I absolutely was reading this, nodding my head and agreeing to everything you've written. Sad, but true!

JustHeather
Guest

*big hugs* Definitely nodding along and even giggling. Unfortunately, too many of us (have) experienced this. Keeping good thoughts for you.

A Place to be Me
Guest

LOL Bobbing my head, been there, done that!

Janet
Guest

LOL…this is a great list!

Teresa F
Guest

Egg white cervical mucus 😉

Em
Guest

I love the baby name thing. So true. And by the way, I'd pick Apple over Gidget…er, maybe not. It's a tough call.

Ann Foster
Guest

So true!! The name thing is so hard!! I have SIX friends pregnant, and 2 of them are pregnant with twins. All of them are due May-August. My heart is literally in the pit of my stomach…IT SHOULDN"T BE THIS HARD TO HAVE A BABY! 🙁

Steph
Guest

As usual, you made me smile when I didn't think I could. Thanks for the laugh. This is an awesome list 🙂

Brittany
Guest

Isn't it ironic: We spend so much of our youth trying to NOT get pregnant… My husband and I are not yet trying to conceive but my biggest fear is that we won't be able to.

Rebecca
Guest

Hi from ICLW. Yeah definitely nodded to all those.

Breathe Gently
Guest

So true. My OB asked about whether we've had sex recently and I just laughed. 😉

Kristin
Guest

You are to funny!

Kiddo Bliss
Guest

"… All of your baby names keep getting stolen by fertiles. You're left with Gidgit and Apple."

Hahaha yesssssssss! However, I have opted to go with the name ANYWAY even though 2 of my cousins AND my niece named their daughters Isabella.

Kailey Birkeland
Guest

Hey there…I'm your newest follower! I hope that this is the month you get your BFP!

http://thebirkelands.blogspot.com/

Blessings!

justanotherinfertilityblog.com
Guest

ICLW greetings! This is a great entertaining list. The baby names one made me LOL. I have one secret baby name left and if I don't get to use it before someone I know, I'm gonna be pissed. Good Luck, I hope this 2WW ends well.

Elana
Guest

OMG These are awesome!!! I love it! You guys are very clever. Happy ICLW!

Risa
Guest

Sounds good! I'll try it 🙂

Risa
Guest

Ha ha YAY!

Risa
Guest

Yep, definitely a good one!

Risa
Guest

Hmmm… I'm going with Gidget 🙂

Risa
Guest

I'm so glad to hear that! I wrote the thing and even I think it's hilarious because it's SO TRUE!!

Risa
Guest

No kidding! To think of those pregnancy scares 😉 I hope very much that you don't have any problems. But if you do… we are all here for you! Good luck and thanks for stopping by my blog!

Risa
Guest

Hi! Welcome Rebecca!

Risa
Guest

Ah yes, the ironic laugh. We've all been there!

Risa
Guest

I think it's our right to stick with our baby names. I mean, if we were like other couples who got pregnant no problem, we would get our pick of the names too. We deserve to name our kids whatever we want. Good for you for going with that name! It's beautiful!

Risa
Guest

Hi Kailey! Thanks for stopping by! I will have to check out your blog too.

Risa
Guest

ICLW greetings to you too! I say you go ahead and use that name anyway. 🙂
And thanks, I hope it ends well too. Ugh.

Risa
Guest

Happy ICLW to you! Thanks for stopping by!

Risa
Guest

Ha ha thanks Kristin 🙂

Risa
Guest

Ugh I am so sorry. I know how that is and it sucks!

Risa
Guest

There you go. Definitely bring them back!

Risa
Guest

What a pain. Who knew we'd end up being married to our cycles?

Risa
Guest

See, you're getting it now! 😉

Risa
Guest

Thanks Heather!

Risa
Guest

Thanks, Janet!

Risa
Guest

Ha ha yep! Thanks for stopping by!

Risa
Guest

Yes it is, Aubrey. It's amazing how alone we can feel sometimes, but there are so many who can really really relate.

Risa
Guest

Thanks Jen!

Risa
Guest

🙂 I'm glad you can relate!

Risa
Guest

Ha ha well you got 95% of them so that counts for something! 😉

Cstelle
Guest

poppping in from ICLW

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