29. Tell us about a friendship you lost or a relationship that changed for the worse because of infertility.
I have to say, I have not lost a friendship because of infertility. I have, however, modified who gets to know what. There are some friends that it’s harder to talk to about what I am going through, but it doesn’t make them any less of a friend. My relationship is not affected by it. I just have certain people I tell everything too (of course that’s half of the world right now), and others that I limit my true feelings. And it’s ok with me. Some people would call that selfish; I call it protecting my heart. I seem to be doing that a lot lately.
I have had some relationships change for the worst because of what I’ve been going through. I don’t even know if they even care to read this blog, and it really hurts. It’s also why I am thankful every day for those precious women in my life that I can go to. I try not to dwell on it and instead focus my energy on those who do care.
Tomorrow? Beta time. I haven’t even POAS stick. I’m kind of proud of myself, because I could build a mini log cabin out of all the pg tests I have taken over the years. But really, I am not trying to be a Negative Nancy. Old-fashioned sex has done s#@$ for me, so I am not expecting this time to be any different. I’ve been positive. The first three years, I was positive. Once again, I am protecting my heart. I’m allowed to feel otherwise. I’ve earned my mf-ing medal.