What can I say?  2012, you sucked.  You are the red-headed step-child that everyone puts up with, but secretly hates.

2013, you are going to be so much cooler.  We are going to hold hands and skip down the street eating ice cream together.

I know this is really negative.  I know some of you had a great year.  But in all reality, I am ready to move on.

I started off the year with an HSG to see if my fallopian tubes were clear.  The pain of that whole procedure will eventually fade, but it sucked.  And due to a dye reaction, I became so bloated I couldn’t even walk and Mom had to come take care of me.

I did 6 months of Clomid, with timed sex.  Let me tell you, there is nothing more romantic to my husband than hearing, “I’m ovulating today and I have to work tonight, so you need to come home on your lunch hour so we can do it.”  The only thing worse than that would have been if I said “have intercourse.”  My marriage was strained.  I sunk into a depression so deep that I couldn’t even recognize myself some days.  I thought 2012 would have been my year.  Of course I said that in 2011 too.

Now, because of the fertility medications, I spend a lot of time in a funk.  I’m emotional, I get angry a lot more quickly.  My body is revolting against me.  Basically, I am just not much fun to be around lately, and I am sorry for that.

I have found people who would walk through fire for me, and I have gained deeper friendships.  I have grown closer with my husband, with my mom.  I have also witnessed people I was closest to turn their backs on me when I needed them the most, leaving me to walk this journey without them.  But it’s ok.  I have some of the best friends anyone could ask for.

Tonight, I can’t even toast to the new year with champagne.  If the reason was because I was pregnant, I would be rejoicing.  But my womb is empty and I am going dry for something that is probably not even there.

Here is to a better year.  2013, you better not let me down.

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Kate Payne

I'm all for kicking 2013's butt!!! Bring it new year!!! 🙂


Here's to 2013 for all of us. 2012 SUCKED (we had a failed IVF) – 2013 WILL BE GOOD! 😀


I know things have been hard for you and I wish I had the mama magic that could make it all better. I admire your ability to keep a sense of humor and your head held high. You are tougher then you think. I too hope 2013 is your year! Love, Mom


I know! Sorry to hear about that!


Thanks for the encouragement Mama 🙂

Unconceivably Blessed

Baby Dust to us all in 2013!


I understand everything you are feeling here, and I know personally how difficult this is. How nice it would be to just magically end up with a baby after some romantic night with your husband…instead we are a slave to timing and the mystery is all but gone. I hope that 2013 is better to both of us! Happy New Year


That's right!


That's very true, Steph. I'm still trying to deal with the loss of mystery.